10 Common Mistakes of Wives

1.  Stop treating your husband like your kids.
   
    Your husbands are your partners, not your children.  You met them as adults with their own set of behavior and way of thinking.  It’s a common mistake for wives trying to mold their husbands to persons they aspire for.  When a wife becomes a mother, it is easy to fall into the role of a mother to everyone.  Have the conscious effort to accept the individual traits of your husband and stop yourself from teaching him good manners and attitude all the time.   This can be very irritating if done all the time.


2.   Refrain from testing your husband's fidelity.


      One Valentine’s Day, a friend invited me to go to Rockwell.  And over lunch, she excitedly relate to me how she sent flowers to her husband’s office bearing an anonymous note.  (she has never been introduced to the office staff of her husband)  I didn’t share her enthusiasm.  It smelled trouble for me.  True enough, the husband called and in an irritated voice said “What’s your big idea of sending me flowers here anonymously?!  What are you trying to prove?! “  It broke my heart to see my friend’s face with such pain.  No one wanted to be tested.  And if you really have to do this, try to be more creative than sending flowers anonymously to your husband’s office.  


3.  Don't shame your husband in public.


     If you have issues , please keep them inside the four corners of your bedroom.  A wife who washes the dirty linen in public shames a husband because it shows how the husband fails to control the temper and behavior of his wife. The Philippines is a matriarchal society.  However in formal functions, the husband is still the head of the family and he needs to be able to keep everyone in line, at least in front of everyone else.   Can you imagine if the boss sees you reprimanding your husband?  It would undermine his respect and doubt his management abilities.  How can he be trusted in managing a team if he cannot even control his wife?


4.  Control your expectations for grand gestures.


    We know how husbands are during courtship.  Anniversaries would mean a bouquet of roses, a trip out of town and a beautiful gift.  Now, if you have a husband who is able to continue such gestures, congratulations to you.  But the rest of them are merely human.  It’s hard to keep having grand gestures to every holiday in the calendar, while managing a successful career and being father to your kids.  I have a friend who has the habit of placing all the out of town trips and gifts and romantic dinners of her husband for their monthsaries (anniversaries done every month).  Most of our girlfriends look at their pictures with such envy.  When I told my sister about this, she said “That’s the first couple to go on their separate ways.  It’s very hard to keep up the expectations of such a girl.” True enough, after two years, their marriage is heading towards splitsville


5.  Be prudent with his money.


    A woman who knows how to manage her husband’s money is truly a treasure to behold.  Most men court women who are beautiful and sexy.  They bring you to the altar when you are a bitch in bed.  But only a wise man would make sure the woman is good in handling money before making her the mother of his kids.  Since men possess two heads, they sometimes forget that getting a wife is like getting a business partner.  But money is an integral part of managing family.  You need to do budgets and still ensure that kids are sent to school and are eating right.  Credit card bills must be a reasonable percentage with the salary of your husband.  Everyone cannot marry an accountant (more‘s the pity), but a bit of prudence on the woman’s part will go a long way in the hearts of your men.  It shows you care enough to control your urges to shop for a new bag when you have dozens in your closet.  However, if the man is as rich as Croesus, then you can skip this part of the list.  


6.  Stop the nags.


    The next time you open your mouth, think first.  Process it through your brain if it’s really necessary to comment on his long overdued promotion, or his choice of friends or his choice of tie, day in and day out.   Second, would it really make any difference if you keep harping the same issues on a regular basis ,or are you doing this merely out of habit ?    Always remember that you are two very different individuals with different lives before you married each other.  He has those set of friends before he met you.  You think he is not bringing home enough bacon for the family?  Well, nobody  feels that more than him.   And the next time you want to play dress-up, just buy a fucking doll. 


7.  Treat your husband like you would treat your bestfriend.


     Husbands are not merely there to carry the big luggage, to change the bulbs, or to provide the cash when you shop.  It is so easy to fall into a pattern when you live with a person.  But we have to remind ourselves that they are people too who have feelings and they need to feel wanted, cared for and appreciated.  Treat them like your best girlfriend.  Love them without trying to control their lives.  Be open to them about what you think but deliver them nicely.   


8.  Stop digging up the past.


     My sister-in-law and her husband have migrated to the U.S. in the 90’s.  One time, my sister-in-law came to the Philippines for a visit that lasted for months.  When she came back, the husband greeted her with the news that he got another girl pregnant.  That is very painful. The husband was very very sorry of his momentary weakness but declared that his one true love is my sister-in-law.  They have kissed and made up.  But my sister-in-law never forgot his only lapse of infidelity.  For ten years, she would always bring up this old issue.  Finally, the husband got fed up and left the house.  He said he just can’t live another ten years with this old issue.   


9.  Get a grip on your jealous streaks.


    Women are often jealous creatures.  How our tempers rise with just an inkling of an affair.  But sometimes, things get out of hand.  And a simple friendly gesture becomes a flirtatious move?  And too much of jealous outbursts can be frustrating to your husband.   Just remember this, if your husband is having an affair, a real one, you would know.  And you cannot stop it because he will find ways to do it.  They are not mindless creatures.  They would do what they want to do.  Unless you are willing to divorce him on this issue or keep him in Rapunzel’s tower. 


10.  Don't try to account for all your husband's time.


      A friend demands that her husband comes home at precisely 5:30pm.  The husband works as an executive assistant to the president of a local bank.  When the husband gets home later than 5:30pm , my friend would deliver a verbal bashing that would shame Annabel Rama.  During weekends, the husband is fond of going for a round of basketball with friends.  So one day, my friend decided to just cut his jersey in bits of pieces.  This is a   perfect recipe for driving your husband in the arms of another woman.  He is not a robot who exists merely to deliver the cash, play father to your kids and anticipate your every need.  He is  a man who has diverse interests, who needs his own quality time and who is answerable to his demanding boss.